Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
