plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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