Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize