Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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