"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
