I love black thongs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize