Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
