is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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