Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My vagina is very pro this idea
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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