I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
