I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
