I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Randomize
