i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
