Midget sex pt 2 tonight
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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