I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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