Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he shaved USA in his pubs
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need water and some morals
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