are you still at the devil's house?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
