Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
