at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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