The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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