"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize