Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
