Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
