new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
