just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize