Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
