I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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