I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
