I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
