i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize