my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
