My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
