I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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