The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
