i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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