He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
