So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you inspire me to be a worse person
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
