Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
