Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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