On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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