apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
