I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
