i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
