fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
