Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
