Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
