Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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