You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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