If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
