but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
