I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize