What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
