youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
