Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
