Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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