My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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