Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
