i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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