So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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