So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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