Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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