I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize