Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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