ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
