Too much gin, very little bucket
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
