i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
