Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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